I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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