She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
tell me about the fingering
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
