I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
