its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
