I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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