Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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