Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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