the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
