I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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