why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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