hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
operation have a gay friend backfired
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
