who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
40s are totally the cure
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
