So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
