If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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