dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
