maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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