Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
