There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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