It's Friday. Sex?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pants are for mortals
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
