I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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