That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
