I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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