Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
