The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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