Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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