Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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