yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
COCAINE IS GR8
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
