I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
