why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
