I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
