You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize