Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
