I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
