Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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