its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
