i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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