I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Of course I have a pirate flag
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
