yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
