Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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