We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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