At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
