"it" just moved
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it's like iHOP with fire
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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