He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
