Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
