just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
