mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I AM VODKA MAN
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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