i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
