Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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