thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
