I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
