yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
