You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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