They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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