ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
