took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
