My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
